So Smart!

Yesterday, the 3 of us went to dinner.  As we were leaving the restaurant, we ran into some people that DH knows so we stopped to chat.  G walked right up to one man, introduced himself, told the man he was 4, and then asked how old the man was.  He did this quite well, but the man didn’t want to answer with his true age so he tried a couple of jokes to get out of it.   G was not to be dissuaded and asked another time how old he was.  The man finally answered, “I’m 22 times 2.” 

We walked toward our car and G asked me what 22×2 is.  I answered that 22×2 is the same as 22+22.  He was quiet as we buckeled him into his carseat.  I could see his brain considering this information and crunching the numbers.   Just as we started driving away, G suddenly exclaimed, “I know, he’s 44!!”

Slow to learn

This past weekend we took G for a haircut.  Across the street from our normal Great Clips was a new Sport Cuts.  It’s a male oriented shop with a sports theme.  They have tv’s mounted everywhere playing whatever game is on that minute and they sell sports logo merchandise at the check out desk.  G thought he would like to try it – he is really into baseball right now and got a kick out of college basketball in march – so we went in and signed him up.  All went well at first, they had a nascar race on and G kept comparing the lead car to Lightning McQueen.

He started getting irritable while waiting and I started to worry.  I started realizing that the ambient noise with the multiple tv’s and the clippers was actually quite high for G.  His name was called and I took him back to his chair.  He got particular about how he wanted things.  He wanted this cape and not that one, he didn’t want a booster, he wanted to watch that  tv only.  In hindsight, I realize he was trying to impose artificial routines to restore his sense of order.  His stylist turned on the clippers to start his haircut – and that was the straw that broke G’s back.  He positively melted in the chair and started crying.  So I called a halt to the haircut and got him out of there.

This is not the first time we’ve been through a situation like this.  I’ve written about his sensory issues more than anything else in this blog alone.  I am incredibly upset with DH and myself.  When are we going to learn what G can and cannot handle before he melts down?  Why couldn’t we recognize shortly after walking in that there were too many tv’s, crazy sports logos all over the walls and noise for him to handle?  How many times is he going to have to go through this before his thickheaded parents finally get their act together?

G, who has never had a problem getting his haircut prior to this, now calls Sport Clips the Scary Barbershop.  I got him calmed, we all ate lunch, and G agreed to try getting a haircut at our normal place.  “But not the scary barbershop,” he said over and over again.  We went to our normal, no tv, no theme, no frills, haven of tranquility barbershop and the haircut was a success.

 

Which path to take?

We met with G’s pediatrician a week ago.  Filled out some questionnaire’s and discussed our concerns while G played with her nurse in another room.  Then she brought G in to the room, chatted with him and got him to read for her.  (G was able to sound out the word stethoscope)  And then laid out our options for us.  In her opinion, based on this appt and our phone conversations throughout the school year, G is definitely on the spectrum but as she is not an expert in asd’s she couldn’t be more specific.  If we wanted to pursue a specific label then she could refer us to the division at Children’s Hospital that diagnoses asd’s.  But her recommendation was to continue our laid back approach and wait for the educational evaluation to answer our questions.

Her reasoning is that we need the educational evaluation to continue G’s level of services within the school system.  She doesn’t see the need for G or the availability in our community for any additional services that would require a medical evaluation.  And she cautioned us that a medical diagnosis can often complicate insurance coverage.

I’m left to muddle through my own feelings about this process.  On one hand, I’m satisfied with the answers we got at this appointment.  She agrees that there is something going on with G.  To know that I am not imagining things or that I am being taken by an overzealous school system is very reassuring.  (both have been implied by well-meaning family members)  On the other hand, my type-a personality is struggling with not pursuing a specific diagnosis.  I worry that I am not doing this “right.”  I find that I have to remind myself that this isn’t about me at all.  This is about what is best for G. 

Which then starts me on a whole new path of worry and confusion.  What is best for G?  15 years from now when G is an adult, will he be satisfied with the decisions we made?  Would he upset about being labeled at a young age if we continued to try and get a medical diagnosis or upset that we decided to float along in a more gray area.  In the end, I have to go with my gut and hope for the best.  I am doing what I feel is best for my son and if that means our process is different from the textbook way to diagnose autism, then that is ok with me.

Autism Awareness Day

I’ve been thinking back to when we first realized we would need to have G evaluated for autism.  I was very upset and emotional – no mother wants her child to face any adversity.  But over time I’ve come to realize that everyone faces challenges and overcomes obstacles.  It makes us understand who we are as individuals and identifies our strengths and weaknesses.  As I worked through my emotions, I kept listening to the same song by John Mayer over and over.  It really helped me work through everything I was feeling:

I hate to see you cry, lying there in that position

There’s things you need to hear, so turn off your tears and listen

Pain throws your heart to the ground

Love turns the whole thing around

No, it won’t all go the way it should,

But I know the heart of life is good.

What this means to me, and what I want other parents to know, is that the posibility of an autism diagnosis is not the end of the world.  In fact, Aspergers may be what makes my child the reading, adding, subtracting, multiplying 4 year old that I love to try and challenge every day.  It may be what makes him see the world in concrete terms and gifts him with the ability to make observations that make me re-evaluate the way I see the world – usually to my benefit.  My son has so many wonderful qualities and so many gifts to give the world as he grows up.  If autism is responsible for that, then I can only be grateful.