Dinner Conversation

Yesterday we had salmon, steamed carrots and potatoes for dinner.  G was doing a great job eating his carrots (particularly for a 4 year old!) but was ignoring his fish as he tends to eat all of one food before moving onto another.  Dh was stuck on getting him to try his fish and was, I say with love and affection, nagging. 

DH:  G, eat your fish.  You should try your fish, it’s delicious.

Me:  DH, do you know what perseverate means?

G:  I don’t know – what does it mean?

Me:  It means to fix on an idea to the point where you can’t talk about any thing else.

G:  Eat your fish, eat your fish, eat your fish, eat your fish, eat your fish, eat your fish, eat your fish.

DH:  You two aren’t as funny as you think you are.

A Great Teacher

If you haven’t already heard of Alex Barton in Port St. Lucie, Florida, click here:

http://www.tcpalm.com/news/2008/may/23/st-lucie-teacher-has-class-vote-whether-5-year-old/

I read this story yesterday, and broke down crying.  This little boy could be my precious G.  G has had substantial behavior problems this year.  We have felt on numerous occasions that the director of the school would be happier if we weren’t there, and have felt as if she were compiling a file for expulsion.  We’ve felt shunned by other parents who were upset that their kids were pushed or hit that day.  I don’t blame them, but it was very uncomfortable for us, prompting us to handle pick up and drop off a little earlier than scheduled to avoid other parents.  To their credit, once word got out that there was something more than brattiness going on, parents became much more friendly and welcoming.  But the beginning of the year was rough.

Through it all, G has had a phenomenal advocate on his side – his teacher.  Miss A is hands down the most amazing teacher I’ve ever encountered in my lifetime.  She was the one who first raised flags that G’s behavior was something more than a child acting out and suggested bringing in the district child behavior specialist.  She has been open to trying new techniques in class suggested by the specialist.  She’s been very communicative with us, letting us know if it was a good or a bad day and telling us a few of the activities G chose that day so we could prompt conversation at dinner.  She has stood between G and other parents who have expressed concern that G was in class with their children.  She even went so far as to track behavior infractions for all the kids in her class and had graphs to show these parents.  Proving to them that G was improving monthly and was not the only child with issues.

Reading this story has made my heart ache.  I want to wrap this little boy up in a huge hug.  It also makes me want to hug Miss A for a long, long time.

Mom’s Manifesto

I’m noticing as things with G progress that I’m getting a bit too wrapped up in it.  I use the royal “we” several times a day.  “We did very well today.”  “We’re tired and probably need to rest.”  “Let’s leave us alone right now, we’re feeling argumentative.”  Annoying to listen to, I’m sure, but in and of itself this isn’t too big a deal.  The problem is I’m internalizing this attitude.  My mood is completely dependant on G.  When he has a good day, I’m having a good day and feel great.  When he has a bad day, I have a bad day and feel terrible.  I need to give myself a good shake and remember how to be my own person, not just G’s mom.  So I’m writing myself a mission statement.

 

Someone I love dearly has autism.  In this way, I am affected by autism.  But I do not have autism.  This is not happening to me, this is not my lifelong struggle.  I cannot fix, recover or cure my son.  I can support him.  I can take him to therapies that will help him learn coping skills that will make his life easier.  I can help him practice these coping skills.  G is the one doing the hard work and making major changes in his life.  I do not succeed, I do not fail.  Success belongs to G.  Failure is a harsh word in this situation, but failure is a day where G tried but wasn’t able to cope as effectively.   

My son will grow into an adult who will make his own choices and plot his own course in life.  He may do this in ways that aren’t typical of most people, but he will do it.  Those choices are his to own, they are not mine.  I will stand back and let him take control of his destiny.  And I will only be able to do that if I acknowledge his autonomy now.

Kindergarten Roundup

We had a parent/child kindergarten orientation at the elementary school this morning.  It was less than successful, and my expectations were set quite low.  Each preschool in the area has a designated day for these orientations.  Parents bring in their kids, they’re disbursed among the kindergarten classes, they get to do a couple activities with the big kids and go to recess.  G had the anticipated troubles separating from us and getting into a new routine.  DH went to the parent part of the orientation to learn what paperwork we needed to fill out and turn in.  I stayed with G during story time.  He didn’t want to do the drawing activity, even though there were several classmates from his preschool at his table, so I got him settled in front of a big map where he started picking out the places he’s been.  At that point I was able to leave the classroom and head down the hall to the cafeteria where the parent portion of events was taking place.

After about 15 minutes of split listening to the principal and to the hall for potential G troubles, dh slipped out to check how things were going.   He found G happily working on a computer with one of his preschool classmates.  I was finally able to relax, thinking that G would have no further troubles.

15 minutes after that – I hear a frantic G yelling “mom, mom – where are you mom – I can’t find you!”  I rush out to find G running up and down the hall in a panic.  It took quite some time to calm him down.  No other grown up was in the hall with him.  The teacher didn’t notice him leaving the classroom and no other school employee reacted to his yelling.  I was – and am – very upset.  The school knows all about G and knows he is coming to them next year.  The principal and the school secratary knew G by name when we walked in this morning.  I know that a special event like this is not G’s forte, but I expected the school to at least know where he was at all times during the hour I left him in their care. 

G was pretty much done with kindergarten and ready to get out of there after he calmed down.  Luckily, his OT walked by and got him engaged in looking at the classrooms.  We took him out for the last 2 minutes of recess with the other kids so he ended the day on a positive note.  He transitioned back into his preschool easily and I have my fingers crossed that the rest of his day will go smoothly.  At least, until our appointment this afternoon for his kindergarten booster shots…

Difficult Moments

I’m so tired.  I am trying so hard to stay upbeat and have a positive attitude.  I’m trying to focus on G’s strengths and imagine all the wonderful things he can do with his gifts.  I’m in danger of coming off as a braggart to my friends because I’ve been talking so much about how smart he is. 

But we’re having some trouble in school again.  When G is corrected for a behavior infraction, his response is to rage at the teacher.  The behavior specialist has been called in again.  We’re making sure to not let things slide at home for the sake of peace and harmony, which can be all to easy to do.  We’re trying to create similar situations as the classroom hoping to see the same negative behaviors so we can problem solve with him and teach better responses. 

I also ordered a new book called “Aspergers Syndrome and Difficult Moments: Practical Solutions for Tantrums, Rage and Meltdowns.”   It arrived yesterday and I plan to have it read by the time G comes home from school.  Has anyone else read it?  Did it help you?

blog etiquette?

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