Thanks, But No Thanks

One thing that drives me a bit batty is when we tell someone about G and the first thing they ask is if we’ve tried some alternative, unproven ‘treatment’ they’ve heard from a friend of a friend who has a cousin with a child for whom it worked wonders.  Adding to this is the fact that we live in a town where holistic and alternative treatments are routinely thought of as more trustworthy than big pharma/the government/physicians.  Our counties vaccination rate is shockingly low because our population is too ‘educated’ to be fooled by statistics and data.

The trouble is that it is easy for me to be blunt and rant on my faceless, nameless blog.  It is harder when I’m face to face with a very well-meaning neighbor.  It is very hard to tell someone who is testing their own saliva to determine their PH balance before they decide what to eat that day that I won’t experiement with any alternative therapies on my own child without sounding like I’m judging them.  And I really am not judging, even though I don’t feel that same consideration in return.

Yesterday I had a conversation with a new friend where she pulled me aside to give me the name of a doctor she’d just heard about.  This doctor used to be a chiropractor but now is some kind of naturopath who does amazing things with ‘analyzing one’s levels and bringing them into balance.’  And he apparently has done great things for autisic kids.  This is exactly the type of thing I’m against.  I thanked her for thinking of us and tried to change the subject.  But she didn’t let it go and I ended up telling her that we only use clinically tested medicine for G.  She looked at me like I was delusional.  Why does relying on scientific fact make me the delusional one?

Summer is Hard

I feel like my title could be my entire post.  Summer break is hard.  Not having a specific routine is hard.  Creating daily schedules so G feels secure is hard. 

G is in a 4 day summer camp this week and it was easy to get back into the swing of getting him up, feeding him breakfast, packing his lunch and taking him somewhere.  It was easy not because I got to drop my kid off somewhere, but because G seemed so relieved to be going somewhere.  In a sense, it’s as if he can’t wait to leave us.  I know it’s because on days like this the routine is rigid.  We have to be out the door at a certain time so all the morning activities have to be accomplished in a timely manner.  Once he gets to camp/school, they have a list of activities to accomplish that requires focus and scheduling.  He thrives on this, and while we try our best, we’re just not able to provide that level of rigidity.

From the parent’s perspective, I can’t wait for school to begin again.  (19 days!)  On monday, after I dropped G off at camp, I realized how much stress I was under when I sat down and relaxed with a quiet cup of coffee.  Without really being aware of it, I had reverted to survival mode.  Where every day the goal is to avoid a major meltdown by appeasing in some places and drawing a firm line in others.  In this mode, I’m not focused on working through issues or teaching new skills, I’m just focusing on keeping G’s mood even.  It is not a fun place to be – and I don’t think it’s a particularly productive place to be either because we’re not really progressing in any way.  It’s like we’re just holding our breath all summer. 

I wish we could keep him enrolled in camp activities all summer, but that isn’t financially feasible.  We enrolled him in as many as we could, and tried to space them out so there was one camp each month, but this last stretch between camps was a long one.  Maybe next time we move we should consider a year round school type environment.  The good news, is that we’ve almost made it.  In 19 days he’ll have a stable routine to count on.

Until Thanksgiving when the holiday hoopla begins.

Party Planning

G’s 6th birthday is at the end of the month and we’re planning a small party.  This is the first time he’s inviting friends from school instead of  my friends kids.  I have the invitations handled, gift bag items have been ordered (we don’t give candy-  we give little trinkets) and activities for the day planned.  But I am extremely nervous for him.  What if he’s rejected by his peers?  What if none of the kids come?   I’m so nervous about this, I’m not sure I’ll make it to the end of the month.

Asperger’s Books for Kids

We’ve made a decision not to tell G about his Asperger’s this summer because we didn’t want to cause or increase his anxiety about going back to school, since he’s already going to be different by skipping 1st grade.  But he is starting to notice his differences.  For example, he is really enjoying new board games like clue and scrabble – not the usual games for 6 year olds.  He wants to invite a friend over, another 6 year old, to play these fun new games with him.  So I had to explain that other kids his age may not be able to figure these games out and that if he has his friend over, he would need to be a good host and play games the friend finds fun.  He asked why his friend wouldn’t think scrabble is fun, so I attempted to explain that he is different from other 6 year olds in that some things like school and games designed for older kids are easier for him than for other 6 year olds,  while other things like imaginary games and small talk are harder.

He was quiet while he processed this information and I was able to change the subject.  But I can see that the need for full disclosure may be just around the corner.  So I’ve been collecting books for explaining Aspergers to kids.  The first book I got was  Asperger’s Huh?  A Child’s Perspective.  And I don’t like it.  It got good reviews but I feel it is written pessimistically.  The main character is a newly diagnosed 11 year old who talks about all the things he can’t do.  For example, he says kids with Aspergers don’t understand humor so they should never even try to tell a joke.  He talks about how much his mom cried at first and how he embarrassed his dad at a dinner by trying to give a toast.  It seemed to me to emphasize all the negative aspects without addressing the positive.  I don’t want to give G the perspective that Aspergers is all gifts and no challenges, but I don’t think all challenges with no gifts is ok either.

Another book I got is Can I Tell You About Asperger Syndrome?  A Guide for Friends and Family.  I like this one a bit better.  It has a boy, I’d guess around 8 or 9, explaining himself to the reader.  It comes off as more factual and less emotional, which I think will appeal to G.  It discusses gifts in math and computers and addresses special interests but also addresses challenges with sensory issues, motor skills and interpersonal communication.  It stays focused on the child and doesn’t go into any embarrassment or upset his parents may or may not feel.  I especially like this part because I believe anything I feel is my own issue to work through and shouldn’t be a burden placed on G.

So I plan to use the second book when we have our conversation.  But if anyone has another option, I am open to suggestions!