My Angel

Today was the first day of ski-pe.  I was as ready as I could be with everything labeled and packed the night before.  And yet, I was unprepared for the chaos of 30+ kindergarten parents trying to figure out how to drop their kids off for ski-pe.  It’s days like today where I am convinced G’s sensory/autism issues were passed down genetically.  I was overwhelmed and seconds away from throwing myself to the floor in full meltdown mode just like G does when G’s special ed teacher walked by.  She asked how I was doing and all I could say was, “I am so overwhelmed!”  She took both my hands and calmly said, “You’ll get through this, you’re doing just fine.  You can do it.”  And then she disappeared into the crowd.

I did feel much calmer.  I felt focused again.  I was able to finish up jamming G into his ski-boots, getting his heat packs tucked into his gloves, making sure his goggles were attached to his helmet properly and in line for equipment check.  I can’t explain it except to say it was a magical moment for me.

G, by the way, did great.  He was so amped to go skiing today.  He’d greet all his friends excitedly, “Hi L!  It’s ski-pe day!  Are you going skiing too?”  L was decked out from helmet to boots in ski gear, making this a redundant question, but was just as excited about ski day.  It was very cute.  G is participating through the adaptive program again and has the same teacher and assistant as last year.  As long as I can make it through drop-off each week, he’ll be in fabulous hands and have a great time.

Feeling Positive

We had our meeting with G’s teacher and his caseworker and it was a very positive experience.  We were able to get some ideas for managing G’s behavior, like a token board to reward positive behaviors to compliment the sticker chart we use to track good and bad days at school.  It was also suggested that dh and I participate in a 6 week social/emotional training program.  I’m not clear on the details but it will supposedly help us encourage empathy and constructive expression of emotions with G on a daily basis.  It sounds pretty interesting so we are going to start it next week while G is in school. 

G’s teacher had good things to say and encouraged us to send him to her for kindergarten next year.  Our major reservation is that would mean another year of dealing with the director who is not on “Team-G.”  But the benefits of having a teacher that is already familiar and on board with G’s challenges and having G in an environment that is already familiar to him outweighs the negatives.  G’s teacher also had a graph showing behavior infractions by month.  The beginning of November was not good for G, but by the end he had really settled down.  The interesting thing is mid-month is when we started consistently using the brushing/buzzing protocols taught to us by his OT.  December was much better, which coincided with the installation of G’s therapy swing.  January was pretty darn good.  While his behavior was pretty awful at home, he was great in school.  I’ll take that any day!

 Also this week was the conclusion of G’s preschool ski program.  Dh and I tagged along for the last session to see what G could do and what we needed to know to ski with him.  G was awesome!  He made great turns with superb control and got on and off the lift like a pro.  Today, we had our first family ski day.  We did 2 runs, which was just about as much as G could handle.  It was fantastic!  We had so much fun and G got some great exercise.  I feel like I just lived out a fantasy family moment.

“I’m a skier!”

G’s preschool has a skiing program where anyone who is signed up meets at the ski school for the day and then they’re bussed back to school for lunch and recess.  We really wanted G to participate in this.  Dh and I snowboard and don’t have the ability to teach G to ski but really want him to learn so we can have fun as a family.  (he has expressed interest so we’re not pushing - too much)  We also thought it would be a great opportunity to socialize with his peers.  And this was why we were putting G in ski school last month, hoping to get him comfortable with the process of learning and with skiing itself so that he would be able to just have fun with the other kids.  Unfortunately, this was not to be.  Our plan was not G’s plan so it quickly was thrown out.  We’ve had a difficult transition back into school after the holidays and have had to spend up to an hour with G each morning until he is ready for us to go.  Adding this factor to G’s limited success in ski school, we decided the ski program was too much for him and called to cancel. 

Then, something awesome happened.  When we called to withdraw him from the preschool program, explaining why he just wasn’t ready and telling them that we were going to look into the adaptive program.  They told us that the adaptive program runs a segment in conjunction with the preschool ski program for the kids that need extra attention!  We were able to have G ski alongside his classmates but instead of having to keep up with 6 other kids and deal with the chaos that brings, G had private attention.  He had a ski instructor trained in all kinds of special needs and a ski buddy who is a volunteer.  G’s ski buddy happened to be the grandmother of one of his classmates so she was familiar with his friends names, his school and his teacher and was able to draw him out.  They said G had a great day skiing, they were able to take him from the magic carpet to the chair lift on the bunny slope which is major progress.  They helped him collect his gear at the end of the day and get on the bus (a big hit) without the chaos of that situation triggering a meltdown.

 But the most exciting part of the day was dh picked up G from school and he said, “Daddy, I’m a skier!”

ski school dropout

We live in a ski area and think G would have a blast with skiing.  We’ve been very careful to make sure he was interested and ready for it, in fact our friends thought we were crazy not to get him out on the snow last season.  But he was resistant to the idea of wearing a helmet and his expressive language hadn’t developed enough to tell a teacher if he was cold or hungry so we held off until almost the end of the season.  When we finally tried ski school, it was a disaster.  He loved the actual skiing but waiting in line for his turn sent him into meltdown mode and he would push the other kids down to get to the front of the line.  Which left a handful of 3 year olds stuck in their skis floundering on the snow.  So they asked us to come get him and we decided that was enough of a try for the year.

 This year G has been the one to ask about skiing.  His behavior has been much improved in school, his communication has really improved so he has the ability to talk to teachers, and he is really showing interest.  So last week, we decided to try it again and took him to ski school.  We stuck close to the ski class area all day, made sure they had our cell numbers, checked in frequently and were constantly reassured that he was doing great.  It was early enough in the season that there was only one other boy there, we’ll call him J, and there were two instructors so it was very personal attention.  G had a great day, was very cooperative and was very excited about hanging out with J.  Social skill development is very important for G right now so I got friendly with J’s mom and we both decided to bring the boys back the following Sunday for more skiing fun.

 However, today did not go very well.  I have no explanation for it either – he slept well and ate plenty before I dropped him off and he was excited to see J again.  Since last week went so well I relaxed my guard enough to return home so I could get some chores done.  Two hours later, I got the call.  Griff was uninterested in skiing, uncooperative, kept wandering away from the group to get away and they couldn’t entice him in for lunch.  I picked him up, brought him home and got him to eat a little before he became defiant with me and refused to eat.  I have him in his room now to see if he’ll nap.  I have no idea what went wrong for him today and I won’t be able to talk with him about it unless he sleeps and wakes in a better frame of mind.

I spoke with dh, who is working today, and he thinks we may need to look into the adaptive ski program for G if we want to continue with skiing.  Which I do – when G is into it he has a lot of fun and it is all the vestibular stimulation he could ask for.  And I think the program might be exactly what G needs because on days like today I am so sure he has some form of autism.  If we go this route, we’re not going to tell our friends about it.  Not because we’re ashamed but because I don’t want to deal with their response to it.  G differences are subtle enough that people often think we’re overreacting.  I feel like they think we are trying to seek a label for no good reason when really the exact opposite is true.  I can’t tell you how many times our well-intentioned friends tell us he’s just a boy (they have girls) or that he’s just stubborn or that he just does things in his own time.  It is so hard to explain to them that the problem is more than that.  Especially because I don’t have any concrete information to explain why it is more than that.  The wait-and-see approach is both frustrating and isolating.  It is also the best for G at this time, so I need to try harder to find acceptance.