Toe-Walking

Does anyone have experience with this?  Our G has walked on his toes shortly after he started walking.  DH walked on his toes as a child and I walked on my toes until 1st or 2nd grade.  I also grew up with a borderline-abusive father who would ‘correct’ my toe-walking by banging his fist on the top of my head to force me onto my heels.  So I fully admit I have issues on this topic that make it hard for me to make the right decision.  Or any decision, really.  When it comes to G, I’ve been very hands off about fixing it.  I assumed he’d grow out of it on his own and honestly, the thought of addressing it makes me nauseous. 

But, G’s OT is concerned.  And G has been complaining of pain in his legs lately, especially right after he gets up in the morning.  Once I asked him to stand on his heels while I applied sunscreen (It makes him more stable and I’m less likely to get it in his eyes) and he told me that he couldn’t because it hurt.  So I finally decided we needed to do something about it.  And again, it makes me feel sick. 

We sat in on his OT appointment yesterday where a visiting physical therapist checked him over.  She taught us a couple stretches to do with him after a warm bath that makes his muscles more limber.  And the OT has really pushed us to look into orthotics.  So we got a prescription from our family doctor and have an appointment today.  But I’m concerned about the stigmatizing aspect of this.  Our thought is that if he needs inserts in his shoes or specific shoes then we can have him wear them all summer, correct the problem, and send him to school next hear in regular sneakers so he won’t look different.  What I’d really like to do is continue ignoring this problem, but then wouldn’t his toe-walking make him stick out as different?  I also had a friend tell me to have him wear flip-flops all summer, as that would make him use his heels at least part of the time.  Would that work?

I need some help here.  What is the best thing for G in this situation?  What should I do?

Bliss

Spring Break is officially over!  We made it! 

We had a lot of help from grandparents – DH and I even managed a short getaway to Vegas.  We returned relaxed and rested to find G in a typical state of nana-itis where he had little structure and no boundaries for the time we were gone.  Which meant he would react to the extreme whenever we had the audacity to tell him he couldn’t have easter candy before breakfast or that he had to pick up his mess on his own.  I got a little creative there, for example he deliberately tossed half a bowl of popcorn into the air and then refused to clean it up.  So I pulled out the vacuum and told him he could use it himself.  He thought it was great fun, the mess got cleaned up, everyone was happy.  All in all, it was an easier transition than the holiday break was.  But everyone was happy school started up again today!

Rigid thinking

G’s been home with the flu all week, which has really kept us hopping.  In one respect, this really torks me off since we did a lot of legwork to track down the flu mist in November to respect G’s current shot phobia.  In another, we only got him half vaccinated because he needed to go back for a second dose 6 weeks after the first, at which point they’d run out of the mist so we decided to ‘take our chances.’  Live and learn, I suppose.

Tonight G and I played a board game where you draw a card, look at the picture and find a word that rhymes with the picture on the board.  It can be a great game for abstract thinking and for helping G learn to find something in a chaotic scene.  (there’s a term for that but it’s escaping me right now)

I drew a card that had an empty picture frame and an arrow pointing to the frame to make it clear that the word to rhyme with was ‘frame.’  G was just as sure that the word to rhyme with was ‘up’ because the arrow in the middle of the frame was pointing up.  No amount of convincing would change his mind.  I showed him that the arrow could just as easily be pointing down or left or right.  G insisted I was holding the card wrong because clearly the arrow was supposed to be pointing up.  I had G look for words that rhymed with up while I found words that rhymed with frame.  I found two, G found zero. 

By now, G and I were laughing too hard in our efforts to convince each other they were wrong so we called a halt to the game.  The ‘abstract thinking’ lesson was a partially successful in that G was able to look at the picture in a fresh new way.  It was unsuccessful in that he was unable to see another point of view.  But we had a lot of fun and that’s most important!

Follow-Thru

G got a St Patrick’s Day package from his Grams and was very excited.  In the package was a card and in the card she wrote, “Hope you like the movie.”  The problem?  There was no movie included in the package.

G:   How come it says hope I like the movie but there is no movie in the package?  Where is the movie?  Is the movie lost?  What movie was it?  Where is the movie?  Do I like the movie?  What movie?  Where is the movie?

After 30 minutes, I had him place a call to his grams, who wasn’t home so he left a message.  Grams called back later that day.  He saw her name on the caller ID and upon answering immediately launched into his interrogation.

G:  Hi Grams, you sent me a card and said you hoped I liked the movie but there is no movie in the package.  What movie is it?  Where is the movie?

Grams apologized profusely.  She had selected a movie for the package and then found an activity book she thought G would like better.  So she decided to save the movie for an Easter gift, forgetting that she had already mentioned the movie in the card.  This appeased G to some degree.  Grams promising to send the movie out in the mail tomorrow was even better.

I think she learned her lesson. 

Empathy revisited

I find I don’t post as often when I’m not feeling good about things.  I try to be positive most of the time, although I do post an occasional rant, but when I can’t find the bright side or something to laugh about, it gets harder to write. 

We had friends up for the weekend recently who have a daughter G’s age and a daughter that just turned 1.  The one year old is walking and exploring her environment which means she routinely breaks many of G’s rules.  We worked a babysitting swap so each set of parents could get out to ski.  Before we left, I had to run down the things they should watch for with G, including not letting the baby and G be together and unattended at any time because if the baby broke a rule I didn’t trust him not to retaliate by hitting or shoving.  It made me sad.  I felt like I was warning people to protect their children from my own son.  G’s also had a difficult month at school, as illness is a major behavior trigger and he was so sick in January.  We’ve been meeting with his team for a new round of behavior plans and positive interventions.    It has been difficult to find the positive to blog about.

Tonight at dinner, we were chatting about G’s day at school and were discussing a program the school runs where they gather certain kids together first thing in the morning and do a bunch of gross motor exercises.  It helps get the fidgets out and calms the students for the rest of their day and G loves to tell us about the fun activities they do.  We love that he can recall this time during his day and try to work it for all it’s worth!  We asked G if any of his friends go with him and he listed a couple names.  Then he says that ‘P’ goes too.  P is another kindergartener that is autistic and I’ve chatted with his mom a time or two.  I asked G if P was a nice boy and a friend of his.  G replied, ‘he’s kind of nice, but he screams a lot and I don’t like that.’  (please note that another of G’s sensory triggers is sudden, loud noises to the extent that he has been known to run from public bathrooms in a total panic if the toilets flush too loudly) 

Dh and I were both silent for a moment as we struggled to explain.   This is what we came up with:  ’G, you know how when we’re in a crowded place or when we’re somewhere that is too noisy you feel anxious and upset?  And sometimes you react by screaming and hitting?  Well, P feels like that too and deals with those feelings by screaming the same way you do.  P is doing the best he can to cope with a tricky situation the same way you do your best when you feel overwhelmed.  P is a very nice boy and it would be great if we could be more understanding when he needs to scream.’   G silently ate his dinner for the next few minutes in that way he does when he is processing something.  I hope we explained adequately without making too many assumptions about a child we don’t know very well.  Mostly, we spoke from the heart in the way I would want other parents to speak to their children about G.

Sick Season

G was sick with a fever and upset stomach this weekend so I kept him home from school on Monday.  Yesterday (tuesday) he was fine so I took him to school.  On the drive in, he sneezed twice.  By lunchtime he was sent home with a cold bad enough to keep him from functioning well at school.  (his behavior was fine, but he was extremely lethargic)  He’s home from school today and probably tomorrow – and now I’m feeling distinctly crappy. 

So that’s what we’re up to lately.  Good times.

Gifts and Challenges

I needed to take a shower.  So I got G settled with a movie, going through the typical drill before I turned on the television, making sure I had his full attention.

Me:  G, I’m going upstairs to take a shower while you watch a movie, ok?

G:  OK

Me:  If you need something, where will I be?
G:  In the shower

Me:  So if you need something, what will you have to do?

G:  Go to the bathroom to find you.

I take a lightning fast shower and towel my hair to stop it from dripping.  When I remove the towel from my ears I hear the melodious shrieks of my beloved son, “I SAID CAN YOU HELP ME PLEASE!!!!!!”

I rush downstairs to find him completely freaking out because he can’t get the stopper out of his piggy bank.  He used his words to ask for help (progress!) but it never occurred to him that if no one is in the same room then no one can come to his aid.  And the reminders that he needs to find me have clearly not worked.  Again.

I help him get the stopper out of his piggy bank and we set about sorting and counting money.  We sorted everything in to piles of 20’s, 5’s (the grandparents have been sneaking cash to him again, I see) 1’s and coins.  Then I write out a series of problems so he can add up what he’s got,

Coins:

Bills:

The contrasts in this situation are so striking to me.  Autism has given him great mathematical ability.  At 5 1/2 years old, he can add columns of numbers, some with decimal points.  On the other hand, autism has also taken the common sense most people don’t think twice about.  He doesn’t have the basic ability to find someone when he needs help.  We’re working hard to help him develop this skill, as I believe it is the root of his behavior problems at school.  He gets into a sticky social situation, gets frustrated, and instead of asking a teacher to help he strikes out at the other child.  I wish I knew what to call this so I could research solutions.  Anyone know?  Would this be called theory of mind?

Product Plug

G is easily frustrated by looking for a toy.  He often wanted a specific toy, looked for 15-30 seconds before meltdown ensued.  We were able to teach him to ask for help when he felt frustrated, but this resulted in me looking for his toys all day long.  We have a new solution that is working well and I am so excited I had to share!

I just bought 2 more stackable storage units from companykids.com, bringing our total up to 6.  This product has been a sanity saver.  See the mint green bins on the left side of the photo - that’s what they look like.  (except mine are honey colored wood)

The great thing is each compartment is not too big, so toys don’t often get lost underneath a large pile.  And they’re open so G is able to scan and find what he’s looking for relatively easily.  Prior to this, I had a toybox with a lid and if the box was already open, he’d peek in but not sort around for what he wanted.  If the lid was closed, it never occurred to him to open it before he hit his frustration threshold. 

I currently have 4 bins stacked 2 high (and can’t wait for the 2 new bins to arrive) and they line one wall of our playroom.  I’ve used duct tape to label each compartment and teaching him to put his toys away in the proper bin has been really easy.  We have bins for legos, blocks, board games, other games (without boards), balls, music, books and one bin for misc.  I still have to verbally direct him to pick up each item and ask him in which bin it should be placed, but any parenting I can do from the couch is welcome.  heh heh  It is also helping him find what he’s looking for because I can direct him to the correct bin when he asks for help.  He’s even stuck a hand in to swish the toys around upon being prompted.  It soothes my organized soul while helping G learn some basic executive functioning skills.  I give it 2 thumbs up!

Contests Are Fun

I’ve written about G’s trouble with contests.  He has a hard time understanding that he probably won’t win.  He expects that if he follows the steps for entry and does everything ‘right,’ then he should win.  His school has a program where teachers can award tickets to the kids that have a good day in class and display positive behavior.  The kids get to go to the office an put their tickets in a big box. On assembly day a handful of tickets are drawn and those kids win a prize.

His teacher wrote us an email to warn us that today is assembly day.  G is sure he is going to win a prize.  We spent a substantial amount of time coaching him yesterday, G’s teacher has spent time coaching the class.  I told him he probably would not win, and we practiced saying, “Oh well, I’ll try again.  Maybe I’ll have better luck next time.”  The closest G got was, “Oh well, I’ll win next time.”  I’ll take a potential deferred tantrum over a an immediate sure thing any day. 

I hope today goes well.  Stay tuned…

Disclosure

I’m struggling with who to tell what and when.  We – I mean, G, (still using the royal we, aren’t I) doesn’t have an official label yet.  I’ve got him signed up for a couple summer activities.  One is a kids music class and the other is swim lessons.  I got G involved in the music program as a baby when it was a mommy and me type of activity.  As an older infant and toddler, he really got into it and would bop along in the center of the circle, while the rest of the class conformed on the edges of the circle, to the beat of his own drummer.  Then one day he suddenly hated it.  Every time we would switch from one activity to another, G would melt down.  Or he would decide not to participate at all and would instead scale the bookshelf or count the stacked chairs in the corner.  To the dismay of the teacher, who adores G, I stopped signing us up for this class.

Two years later, I’ve signed him up for the music class again.  He still has a fierce interest in music, he’s better able to handle some of those old triggers and his best friend will be attending with him.  But at this age level, the parents drop kids off instead of attending with their child.  So before registering I had a conversation with the teacher, explaining G’s probable diagnosis, his triggers and his reaction to those triggers.  She’s ok’d the idea of me staying with him as long as he needs to get comfortable with the environment.  She’s very relaxed about the idea of G attending class again and couldn’t be more welcoming.

With the swim class, I haven’t told anyone about G and his potential diagnosis.  He’s a great swimmer for his age, as this is another activity we’ve been doing since birth.  He generally presents as a typical child who is strong willed and wants things to conform to his own agenda.  I didn’t want to run the risk of the parks and rec dept telling us G wouldn’t be able to participate because these classes aren’t set up to handle special needs.  Even though he was in the adaptive program for skiing, I am opposed to singling him out for swimming.

I really can’t explain the difference between music and skiing.  I have a gut objection to labeling him or singling him out for swimming.  Yet I’m nervous about taking him today and am anticipating all the things that might go wrong.  I am having trouble figuring out when I should disclose his special needs and when it is not necessary.  When is it informative and when is it stigmatizing?