going a little crazy

G has been showing interest in sign language.  He knows most of the letters of the alphabet and was asking about the others so we went out and bought a book about it.  We assumed he had started learning it in class.  Earlier this week, I told G it was time to take a bath.  He looked at me, and signed n-o.  So I signed back y-e-s.  We went back and forth that way until we cracked up from the silliness.

I spoke with G’s teacher yesterday and asked if she was teaching the kids sign language and told her my cute story.  She tilted her head to the side and squished up her eyes a little and looked perplexed.  Apparently she’s just started incorporating sign language into the lessons and has introduced a handful of signs, but no letters.  Yet G knows the entire alphabet already – I swear I’m not making that up either. 

Things like this totally freak me out and make me question our decision not to actively diagnose him until spring.  Picking up something as obscure as sign language as quickly as he has is just not normal, is it?  I keep having to start at the beginning of our decision process and outline the pros and cons until I end up at the same place.  At the same time, inside my head is a continuous loop that goes, “is this autism?  Maybe he’s just incredibly smart.  He’s just smart.  Is he autistic?  He’s autistic.  Is he smart?  Is it autism?”  until I want to scream.  I’m analyzing and second guessing every single thing he does instead of just enjoying him. 

I want so much to believe that he just has sensory problems, because it wouldn’t be the life long challenge that Aspergers would be.  But I’m finding I’m very cynical when it comes to sensory processing disorder and have a hard time believing it is a real thing.  It just sounds so new-agey to me.  Still, I’m reading all the books and following all the advice and buying all the stuff for therapy because I’d rather try it and have it not work than regret not trying it.  But it is hard.  I’m noticing that when I talk about it to friends I’m using a lot of qualifiers like “the theory is…” or “from what they tell me…” instead of simply explaining what we’re doing and why.  I’m going to stick with it and hope that it all works even if I’m not 100% on board with it.

The upside to all this nuttiness in my head is that a long walk is the only thing I find that works to shut my brain off for a short while.  So my dogs and I are getting quite fit!

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Published in: on December 6, 2007 at 7:22 pm  Leave a Comment  

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