Mom’s Manifesto

I’m noticing as things with G progress that I’m getting a bit too wrapped up in it.  I use the royal “we” several times a day.  “We did very well today.”  “We’re tired and probably need to rest.”  “Let’s leave us alone right now, we’re feeling argumentative.”  Annoying to listen to, I’m sure, but in and of itself this isn’t too big a deal.  The problem is I’m internalizing this attitude.  My mood is completely dependant on G.  When he has a good day, I’m having a good day and feel great.  When he has a bad day, I have a bad day and feel terrible.  I need to give myself a good shake and remember how to be my own person, not just G’s mom.  So I’m writing myself a mission statement.

 

Someone I love dearly has autism.  In this way, I am affected by autism.  But I do not have autism.  This is not happening to me, this is not my lifelong struggle.  I cannot fix, recover or cure my son.  I can support him.  I can take him to therapies that will help him learn coping skills that will make his life easier.  I can help him practice these coping skills.  G is the one doing the hard work and making major changes in his life.  I do not succeed, I do not fail.  Success belongs to G.  Failure is a harsh word in this situation, but failure is a day where G tried but wasn’t able to cope as effectively.   

My son will grow into an adult who will make his own choices and plot his own course in life.  He may do this in ways that aren’t typical of most people, but he will do it.  Those choices are his to own, they are not mine.  I will stand back and let him take control of his destiny.  And I will only be able to do that if I acknowledge his autonomy now.

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Published in: on May 23, 2008 at 3:06 pm  Leave a Comment  

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