The Dreaded Cliche

As I tell people about G and our evaluation process, the one thing I hear most often is, “he’s still the same G he was yesterday.”  It is meant to be supportive and reassuring, I’m sure.  And yet, my immediate reaction is to leap over the table and choke the living shit out of the speaker.

First of all, nobody is always the same person they were yesterday.  That would be incredibly boring.  We grow and evolve, our challenges and experiences shape and change who we are.  Expecting him to be the same person he was yesterday is really not expecting much of him at all.

But the real point that is missed is this.  My son is the same awesome, loving, lovable, curious, intelligent, ever-evolving wonder that he has always been.  It’s the world he and I live in that has changed overnight.  It has suddenly become a darker, scarier place.  I don’t trust the world to accept him for who he is the way I do.  I don’t trust the world to welcome his contributions the way it should.  I now see the world filled with people who stare and judge, who exclude him by ignoring him, who will marginalize him because he is different.  I feel pricklier, more protective, ultra-sensitive to any slight that may hurt his feelings.

G may be the same person he was yesterday.  The world has become colder.

Published in: on August 16, 2008 at 4:22 pm  Comments (2)  

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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. This post really made me think. I guess I saw our diagnosis as not something that changed our kids, or the world–what changed was me. I became more understanding of all the weird annoying things and then I became an advocate, educating myself and others about what they needed.

  2. I think I have to agree with AWalkAbout. For me, it was more a validation, which gave me a reason to advocate more for my kid. Once I knew that someone else (a professional) saw what I was seeing in my kid, and it had an “official” name, I felt empowered.

    I can totally understand your position, though. I have struggled lately with the woes of raising a child who is “different” and I just wish the rest of the world could understand immediately what life is like for him. Why should we HAVE to educate others?

    Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I get what you’re saying! It’s hard knowing that our kids are going to face challenges in experiences that can be so easy for most other children…


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