Don’t Take it Personally, Part II

G is in love with his daddy right now.  He wants to be with him every minute of the day and when he’s not with Dad, he counts the minutes until he gets to be with Dad.  This would be so great if he didn’t have an equal and opposite dislike of being with me.

Last night, we both took G to t-ball.  After the game, G and I were stopping to get our chinese take-out and DH was heading off to ‘a meeting.’  When G realized Daddy was not going to be eating dinner at home with us, he got very upset.  He kept saying, “Noooo, I want you to come home with me.  Pleeeeease, Pleeeeeease, come home with me!  Pleeeeease eat dinner with me!”  It was heartbreaking.  If it wasn’t pretty important that DH attend his meeting, I’m sure he would have caved.  Frankly, I’m amazed and impressed with his self-discipline. 

I got G distracted, we collected our food and went home.  But every now and again I’d hear him whisper to himself, “Stupid Mom, I don’t want to eat dinner with her.  I wish she went to the meeting.”  I acted like an adult and ignored it.  I was pretty proud of myself.

DH and I have an equal division of G-duty.  We have a pre-determined schedule so one parent gets up with him 3 days a week and puts him to bed 4 days a week, the other gets up 4 days a week and puts him to bed 3 days a week.  During the worst of times when G had multiple daily meltdowns, this was a sanity saver.  It allowed us to have a scheduled off-time, to pursue our own interests, to relax and regroup.  It kept one parent from taking on too much and burning out and we were much more patient with G as a result.

Today was my morning to get up with G, so when he came into our room this morning, I got out of bed.  G took one look at me, turned around and went back to his room.  I went after him to see what was wrong and he said, “I don’t want you this morning.  I only want dad.  I will not get up until Dad comes to get me.”  I ignored him and told him patiently that I’d be downstairs making his breakfast when he was ready to get up.

When he did finally get up, he found fault with everything.  He didn’t want the smoothie I put out for him until he found out it was left over from a batch DH had made yesterday.  I put it in the wrong cup.  I gave him a straw instead of a spoon.  I didn’t cut his toast into the right shape.  I took the high ground each time, until he said, “You’re so stupid mom – you can’t do anything right.”  At that, he went straight into timeout.  We had a very firm discussion about respect. 

Everything is fine now, he’s back to his normal self.  I know this is just a phase.  I know he sees the world in such black and white terms that when he feels such love for DH, it’s hard for him to expand that to include anyone else.  I know this evidence of attachement to DH is a very good thing.  I know I need to be the adult and simply wait for this to pass, while requiring basic civility and respect.  But gosh this is hard!!

Published in: on May 6, 2010 at 7:21 am  Comments (1)  

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  1. That has got to be frustrating! I agree, the attachment is a good thing, but the disrespect is not. I think you handled yourself very well.

    I know first hand what this is like right now, but for a different reason. Their dad and I are separated…you know how it goes, the non-custodial parent is GOD and he is so much better than Mom. I get so upset sometimes, but then I remember why he’s ‘better’…there are no rules with dad, no discipline and it’s always fun times. My almost 10-year old is starting to see that Dad isn’t always best, but the 6 and 5 year old still have a long way to go.

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