The Wall … I Hit It

You know that point where you realize you’ve been running at an anxiety-induced frenzy for far longer than you normally could and you literally cannot take another step?

Yeah, that’s where I am.  It’s familiar territory, I hit this point every year.  The stress of prepping for school, creating stable transitions, getting to know a new teacher and crisis management when G’s behavior rockets out of control, it all takes it toll until I finally reach a point where I wake up exhausted and can barely get through the day.

But here’s the thing – while in past years there have been actual crisis’ to deal with, this year has been easy.  G’s teacher has a special ed background.  (I know – can you believe it!)  She has talked extensively with Ms Wonderful from last year and has listened closely to us.  She’s creative in her approach to teaching, she even has a mini-trampoline in her classroom for brain breaks.  She’s on top of everything.  The team listened to us when we said G needed a playground aide from day one.  There has only been one recess where there was a scheduling snafu and there was no coverage.  That was also the only day G has hit anyone on the playground and while consequences were necessary, everyone knows it wasn’t completely G’s fault.  G has been mellow about school, even looking forward to hanging with his friends.  (he has friends!!)  He hasn’t obsessively chewed through any of his clothes.  There was one other incident where he called his teacher stupid.  There were consequences, but the adults were all inwardly cheering that he used his words and not his hands!  (Dh and I let the consequences occur but also praised him for expressing his anger appropriately)

With everything going so smoothly, I’ve come to realize that I’m the one putting such stress on myself.  Even though things are going well, I’m always looking toward next week where I’m sure things will start to deteriorate.  Maybe they will, maybe they won’t.  But while I’m waiting for the worst I’m missing the best.  G is having a stellar start to the school year, and I’m strung out and exhausted.  That just isn’t right.

I’m going to start fresh.  I will only focus on today and will block out all thoughts of tomorrow.  Tougher than it sounds for a compulsive planner, but something I think is vital for my own health and sanity.  It’s hard not to anticipate problems in an attempt to avoid disaster, but perhaps it’s worse to chronically anticipate problems that don’t materialize.

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Published in: on September 3, 2010 at 1:51 pm  Comments (1)  

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One CommentLeave a comment

  1. Oh, yeah, been there. When things are going badly, I wear myself ragged trying to fix them and worrying. When things are going well, I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.


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